Purim Jokes

A rabbi who's been leading a congregation for many years is upset by the fact that he's never been able to eat pork. So he devises a plan whereby he flies to a remote tropical island and checks into a hotel. He immediately gets himself a table at the finest restaurant and orders the most expensive pork dish on the menu. As he's eagerly waiting for it to be served, he hears his name called from across the restaurant. He looks up to see 10 of his loyal congregants approaching. His luck, they'd chosen the same time to visit the same remote location! Just at that moment, the waiter comes out with a huge silver tray carrying a whole roasted pig with an apple in its mouth. The rabbi looks up sheepishly at his congregants and says, "Wow - you order an apple in this place and look how it's served!"
A man is having a problem with his son and goes to see his rabbi. "I sent him to Hebrew School and gave him a very expensive Bar Mitzvah," says the man, "and now he tells me he's decided to be a Christian! Rabbi, where did I go wrong?" "Funny you should come to me," said the Rabbi. "I also brought my boy up in the faith and gave him a fancy Bar Mitzvah. Then one day he, too, tells me he's decided to become a Christian." "So what did you do?" asked the man. "I turned to God for the answer" replied the Rabbi. "And what did he say?" pressed the man. "God said, 'Funny you should come to me...' "
Four Jewish ladies are playing a game of cards in Miami Beach. The first lady sighs and says, "Oy..." The second lady nods, sighs, and says, "Oy vey!" The third lady says, "Oy veys meer!" The fourth lady chimes in: "Enough talk about the children already. Let's get back to the game."